Teenagers

You Left LA to be Here?

By in Parenting, Personal, Religion, Teenagers Tags: , ,

 

“You mean you left LA to be here? In Española? Why in the heck would you do that? There’s nothing out here. It sucks.”

She is about 10 feet away. Black shiny wavy long hair. Maroon sweater and a blue backpack to her left on her desk.

I zero in. Stare into her eyes without even a fluttering of my eyelids.

“Because I want to be here with you.”

I jerk my gaze and look at José, then James then Sylvia as I say, “And for you, and for you, and for you,” pointing with my right index finger in unison with “you.”

Do you know that look – almost like a blush, but nothing romantic? The this-is-so-hopeful-I-almost-don’t-believe-it look?

I was one of them as a teenager. And in my twenties. And into my thirties. You feel alone. You think you’re not one of them. You feel nobody important cares about you.

A boy at the corner of the horseshoe table raises his hand. “So, Paul, you were a horrible student in high school. You didn’t have the best family life, and education wasn’t stressed when you were our age. And you made it.”

“What do you expect we do better?”

Total silence in the class. They await my answer. I relish their attention. What I say will matter.

“You’re in bed. It’s pitch dark. You’re thirsty. You get up. You must search with your hands for the light switch. You all know what I mean?”

Nodding.

“You find the switch. You flip it. You now see. Your vision changes. You’ve all been there?”

More nods.

“That will happen to some of you. You will somehow see that nobody can f-ing determine your future. You will become almost enraged, obsessed, almost demonized. Because it’s your life — you will own it and not let anyone else own it.”

Silence. Fourteen fixed gazes.

On the wall is the mission statement of the school. I point to it. I read this part.

“Look at that. You believe it? You? A globally competitive citizen?”

Stares.

“I do, and I thank each of you for being so respectful and paying attention.”

As founder of the Child Rights Foundation, I am here, we are here, for them. Because children matter. And they are always innocent.

 

We will turn around this threatened community

By in Personal, Teenagers Tags: , ,

 

We will turn around this threatened community.

Here’s why.

Just now. I’m lecturing. The kids are interacting. A man walks in, and he looks official.

I used “shit” a few times in the previous classes. He opens a laptop and sits on a chair beside my desk. I think I might be in trouble. But that’s my normal hypervigilance. I read the intro to Catcher, including the swear words figuring it’s okay because they’re in the book.

I conclude my 15-minute lecture. One kid thanks me for teaching them and “getting us to think” The class claps. I put my right hand on my heart as a way of thanks.

I sit at the desk next to the man. He says he’s the special ed teacher and comes in for students needing help. I tell the students, “You have free help here, guys, take advantage of it.”

We get to talking. I tell my story about why I’m in Espanola. That I care.

“Weren’t you at The Rock church yesterday?”

Yesterday I visited the famous El Santuario de Chimayó — the world reknown site with the holy dirt. On the drive back to Abiquiu had to pass thorugh Espanola. Saw a bunch of cars parked on the main street. Wondered what was going on. And wondered what a chruch in this city would be like. Walked in for attended the remainder of the service.

We talk about their work in this troubled place. I share about my work in nonprofit, why I’m teaching here, that I want to help if I can. He says he’s on the nonprofit board discussed in the LA Times piece, Can this town save itself from fentanyl addiction? The race to turn around a threatened community.

He says they are the first homeless shelter (ever) in Espanola. “How could this city of known for its crime and drug use have no homeless shelter until now?

He says he was the former County Commissioner of Rio Arriba.

He wants to introduce me to the shelter director.

He wants me to meet with the church pastor, which has a program for addicts, a shelter, a pantry, etc.

He sat just two feet from me. I didn’t have to go to him. He came to me.

We will turn around this threatened community.

More Poor Amongst The Rich, And Rich Amongst The Poor.

By in Religion, Parenting, Relationships, Teenagers Tags: , ,

I’m in a meeting with Royal Family KIDS’ National Directors from around the world: Ghana, Namibia, Poland, Chile, Argentina, South Africa, the UK, Australia. All work with children of trauma.

The stories I’m hearing of neglect, abuse, and abandonment. Orphans living in Lord Of The Flies institutions with teen ringleaders bartering young girls like chattel to get drugs.

In some countries, there are no child protective services to keep the children safe. Refugee children living in tents. Children walking hundreds of miles with parents trying to seek asylum in safe countries. Four-year-olds wandering the streets.

But in the midst of hearing these realities, my mind drifts back to my own home.

Mostly what I’m thinking about are the millions children of privilege, “protected” by parents believing them too good to fail, stressing external success at all costs, shielding them from the painful realities of the real world. The facade of the “top university.”

Making sure their children stay away from “problem” children whose poverty or lack of education or broken home or blue-collar parents won’t lead them upwardly toward “success.”

Making sure their children spend more time on teams or with tutors or with coaches or in safe church youth groups — “safety,” versus the danger of a holistic life. Worse, the parents who will at all costs give their hight schoolers free reign to alcohol as long as they secure their desirable university.

Keeping them away from the poor kids. The neglected, abused, abandoned.

I once had a choice to send my own children to the local public school where 70% of the children were English learners from south of the border. Poor kids. The other choice was protecting them through homeschooling, or the local private school with all the children of rich white families.

I went to an expert for advice: A professor friend from UCLA who was on a panel of the UC Board of Regents, dealing with undergraduate education in the UC system. He was educated at the most elite private schools in France and did his Ph.D. at Oxford.

“Send them to the PUBLIC school. The diversity and dissonance and culture and language and the diverse sociological and economic standing will educate them far more than anything else.”

We obeyed; we tried the public school.

For one whole month.

Then I chickened out.

In any case, off they went to private and charter schools.

It could have been because I liked the status of sending them to the “better” schools, if I’m honest.

I was guilty, too. I wanted everything to be certain. Especially the well-being of my children. I want to “protect them,” too.

But I’m realizing that what we think is best, often isn’t. The brokenness of humanity and close proximity to pain and grief is perhaps the greatest education of all.

Richness has a poverty about it, poverty a certain sense of wealth.

When My Teenager Said “No” To Media (And Junk Food)

By in Parenting, Relationships, Teenagers Tags: , ,

Elliot is my youngest son. He is 17. He is a senior in high school. He doesn’t use Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook. He doesn’t watch television or movies or stuff on Netflix and YouTube.

Last year I had to take his phone away. He went without it for months. When I gave it back at the start of the school term, he said okay, but only if I restrict it for only calls and texting.

Elliot has told me a few times that he looks at “all these students” during school. “They are always on their phones. That’s all they do. They are not experiencing the world around them.”

“Dad, I think giving electronics to children, even teens, is bad for them.”

Elliot is an earlier riser; he’s up every morning, often at 4 or 5. He usually goes to bed at 8 or 9 at the latest. He often says, with a grin, “Dad, there’s nothing better than a really good night’s sleep.”

He never takes his phone into his bedroom. He leaves it in the kitchen. He says that texting is a distraction from studying or reading or spending time talking to friends and family, face-to-face.

Elliot doesn’t want a car. He rides his bike 3 miles to school every morning, often in the dark. After school, he rides his bike to the boathouse for rowing practice. At 6:30, it’s dark again, and he rides home.

He works at the boathouse on the weekends. He gets to work and back home on his bike.

Elliot says he prefers riding his bike because he doesn’t want to pollute the planet. He says riding a bike is better exercise. He says the experience of riding a bike is better than driving a car because you’re  “so much closer to nature.”

Oh, and he doesn’t eat sugar. No soda. No candy. No junk food. He eats a very balanced diet. He works out 6 days a week. He is very committed to his health.

My other children are normal. They all use Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook on their iPhones. They all watch television and movies and stuff on Netflix and YouTube. They drive cars and stay up late and eat junk food.

Gina and I are normal. We use Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook on our iPhones. We watch television and movies and stuff on Netflix and YouTube. We drive cars and go to bed late and eat junk food.

Part of me thinks Elliot’s devotion is admirable. Staying away from screens, getting plenty of sleep, staying away from junk food, good exercise — aren’t those good things?

Sometimes, a part of me thinks his devotion is extreme.

But I never think my devotion to my social media is admirable. I never think my watching television and movies and stuff on Netflix and YouTube is worthy of praise. I never get feelings of pride that I went to bed too late or gouged on junk food.

Sometimes I wish I was more “extreme” like Elliot.

I wonder if you do, too.

My Next Campaign: Children

By in Religion, Parenting, Politics, Spirituality, Teenagers Tags: , , ,

I am humbled and pleased to announce that I have been named President and Chief Executive Officer of Royal Family Kids, Inc. (RFK) — a California non-profit organization that brings healing and support to thousands of foster children each year who are victims of abuse, neglect, and abandonment. 

As you might know, during my run for U.S. Congress, I received the formal endorsement of human rights crusader, Bill Browder. His story had captured my heart and, ironically, will now serve as a driving force behind my new work.

Bill, who founded an investment firm in Moscow in the 1990’s, was later named the top investment fund manager in the world. But on November 16th, 2009, when his tax attorney, Sergei Magnitsky, was tortured and murdered by associates of Vladimir Putin, he made a vow to seek justice for those responsible. He gave up his lucrative career to crusade on behalf of the many victims of Vladimir Putin and his accomplices. 

In 2012, Bill’s work compelled the U.S. government to impose sanctions on the responsible Russian oligarchs. A new bill, called The Magnitsky Act, received overwhelming support from both houses of Congress.

Vladimir Putin immediately “retaliated” by banning the adoptions of thousands of Russian orphans to American families. 

Because many of these orphans suffered from birth defects, fetal alcohol syndrome, HIV, and other ailments, many were effectively sentenced to death, given a lack of medical resources in Russia. Tens of thousands of Russians took to the streets in protest of yet another one of Putin’s gruesome acts.

As a former Executive Director of an international youth campaign that encouraged and inspired thousands of at-risk teens, and as a former executive with the March of Dimes, a foundation devoted to helping newborns with birth defects and illness, you can imagine how Bill’s story touched me, especially Putin’s decision to penalize innocent foster children. 

As I learned more about these orphans during the campaign I often asked myself, How might I use my influence to help the kinds of desperate children that Putin violated? 

My answer came in mid-June when I received an email from an RFK representative who asked if I’d consider this role, and meet with their search committee. I took the meeting. For the past two months, I’ve been involved in a long process of informational meetings with RFK leadership, and many interviews. 

Earlier this month, I was selected to lead the organization as the new President and CEO.

I really don’t have words to describe this organization. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it. This video is just a small sample of the work RFK does at its 5-day camps, treating children like Samantha as “royalty.”

During my campaign, I learned too well how divisive today’s political environment can be. But we can all agree on one thing. We can all agree that all minor children are innocent, especially those suffering from abuse, neglect, and abandonment. And given that approximately 80% of our prison inmates were former foster care children, and 60% of all child sex trafficking victims have histories in the child welfare system, I could think of nothing more compelling for my next step than leveraging my advocacy convictions — to bring real change to countless children.

Working in partnership with Child Protective Services in 40 states, RFK has helped change the lives of over 100,000 kids, over the past 30 years. This year alone, we will have encouraged and mentored approximately 10,000 kids. Like Samantha, 

But with approximately 500,000 foster children in the system today, the work before us is daunting.

Three weeks ago, I attended my first RFK event, a 5-day camp with 71 children, ages 6 – 12. I served as a volunteer along with over 100 others who gave up their vacation time to work all day and night in 95-degree heat, mentoring and serving these precious children. I wrote about two of my experiences here and here.  

Each camp has a “Birthday Party” with gifts and cake and ice cream and games — because so many of them had never had a birthday party before.

I learned that many camp counselors and volunteers end up adopting the children they mentored at camp.

The highlight of the week was when one of the boys at the camp, an 11-year-old named Miguel, who was a victim of physical abuse and severe neglect, asked me if I would be his father. 

There are no words to describe how that moment — I realized there and then that hundreds of thousands of abandoned children like Miguel are in such desperate need of hope, affirmation, positive experiences, and love.

This new work of mine will be my part in helping those innocent children.

____________________________________________

To learn more, about Bill Browder, please visit www.billbrowder.com.

To learn more about Royal Family Kids, please visit www.rfk.org.

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